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self-discovery

Surrender by Kary Schumpert

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Surrender by Kary Schumpert

Surrender by Kary Schumpert

Sweet surrender
Is all that I have to give

– Sarah McLachlan, “Sweet Surrender”

In the popular lexicon, we think of surrender in terms of the end of war when one side gives up completely to the other.  In movies, the criminals surrender to the police. We think of surrender as giving up, and most often in terms of defeat.  Surrender, traditionally, means giving up control to someone else or something else.  For me surrender has changed its meaning and significance over time.  In fact, this morning the word and meaning changed completely for me.

For a couple of days I had been thinking about the state of my life in terms of an assessment.  The questions came and went, and while I considered the situational circumstances, it was really more of an internal process.  How am I doing in my career?  How am I doing in my health?  How am I doing with my attitude towards money?  How am I doing with my family?  With my spirituality?  With my friendships?  With love?  With myself?  I wasn’t looking for answers in terms of external “success,” but more about how I felt in terms of peace within those questions.

I thought a lot about which areas of my life I felt peaceful, and which areas I did not.

Last night I felt like I had reached the end of the questions--at least for the moment.  It was difficult to figure out what had brought on the questions.  Although for me, questioning and thinking in terms of spirituality and my life is a familiar exercise--sometimes deliberate, sometimes not.  It wasn’t a birthday or anniversary of any particular event, but maybe it had to do with the season of fall and recent conversations with a good friend.

I had made a pot of tea and sunk into the couch to watch a few episodes of one of my guilty pleasure TV shows.  I purposefully pushed the questions away and lost myself in the story of something else.  The word on my mind before I went to sleep that night was “surrender.”  I kid you not.  

Sunday morning I woke up early.  My heart and mind were quiet and I felt calm.  I opened my patio door and curled up in the turquoise Adirondack chair and felt the silence.  I drank coffee and felt the steam from the cup and the cool energy of autumn.  After almost an hour, I returned inside and picked up my phone, opened up the e-mail app and clicked on one of the daily meditations that I subscribe to.  I was pleasantly surprised that the subject line was “The Secret of Surrender.”  Once again, I found synchronicity in both meaning and timing.  I lapped up the words and thought back to the word on my lips when I fell asleep last night: surrender.  

Surrender, just in the course of the journey between last night to this morning’s readings and reflections, means something new.  For me, it is peace in the moment.  It is being comfortable with what is, even when it is not what I want.  It is learning to realize the long path, but being in step with right now.  It means letting myself go and not getting caught up in end results.  It means sinking into the moment.  Surrender is the ultimate measure of taking control by letting go of control.  Surrender means being okay, even when things are not okay.

Surrender is not wishing for something, but finding comfort in loss.  It is not defeat, but neither is it a win.  Surrender is finding grace.  Surrender means letting go of people and situations and results.  Surrender means not knowing.  Surrender is finding love for myself.  Surrender means giving up looking at everyone’s “papers” trying to find the answers, and instead looking down at my own work.  Surrender means being in my own footsteps, literally and figuratively.  Surrender means forgiveness.

Surrender means right now.

Kary Schumpert is an environmental educator and writer living in New Mexico. She loves running, hiking, camping, reading, teaching, writing, and exploring spirituality. Her writing has been published in Elephant Journal, New Leaf Meditation, Green Teacher, and Community Works Journal. She is a contributing editor for Community Works Journal and she keeps a blog at runningintolife.wordpress.com.

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The Choice to be Mindful

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The Choice to be Mindful

The Choice to be Mindful
Guest post by Tanis-Arlene Taylor

Years ago, if someone asked me if I practice Mindfulness, I would have been completely clueless. What exactly does it mean to be Mindful? When I think of the word I can laugh, because I battle what I like to call a mind FULL of clutter. I am what people call a worry-wart. I seemingly like to create scenarios in my head before they even happen. It is a defense mechanism I developed in childhood, so that I could prepare myself for the worst. I created it to be a habitual behavior that swept through my adulthood, without any tangible evidence that it has done me a positive service. 

The idea of being Mindful was divinely introduced in my life about six years ago. I stumbled across some guided meditations, via the internet, during a time that I was desperately searching for help to escape from the darkness. I followed the sound of the soothing voice in my headphones, with incense burning, and a deep desire to believe that being told to ‘Just Breathe, Focus on my Breath’ would alter my circumstances. My memory is of falling asleep. Sleep, at that time, had become foreign to my body. So, it was welcomed with an open heart. From that moment on, I allowed myself to have an open mind to the practice of meditation and daily mindfulness. 

I have humbly learned a plethora of insight as to what mindfulness is for me, and how I can incorporate it into my daily life. Hardships have been the theme in my life for receiving the wisdom and the insight of what it means to be mindful. And naturally, the lessons have come in doses. However, I am learning that if I am truly being Mindful, the wisdom is ever present, to be accepted, every single day. I only need to be present for it. 

Do you ever find yourself looking down at your phone, without a clue as to what is happening around you? Do you find yourself daydreaming up a wonder and then realize twenty minutes have passed? Do you find yourself zoned into the television, only to realize half of the day is gone? I believe most of us have experienced these things. We are human, and each of us, from birth has individually designed specific coping mechanisms to deal with our individual reality. The question is, What DO you want your reality to be? 

The choice to be Mindful is the first step in not only self-discovery, but in creating the life we desire. How can we create a life full of love, joy, acceptance, forgiveness, serenity, and all the innate human desires, if we are unable to simple just BE in the present moment and just sit with ourselves? Our world today is so full of rush, go, zoom, on to the next (fill in the blank), that it is a wonder anxiety disorders are on the rise. What exactly are we rushing to? How do we know we will be fulfilled at that finish line if we cannot even answer if we are fulfilled in the present moment? Simply BEing opens doors of realizations and acceptance to what our reality TRULY is. And from there, you have to choose to accept or to change your circumstances. For instance, how do you know that you are truly happy? Does the feeling come from an external factor? Or does it come from an inner validation and fulfillment? 

I once heard that none of us will rise above being human here on Earth. That sentence has stuck with me, every single day since hearing it a few months ago. I am sharing this with you now to let you know that no matter where you are in life, no matter what circumstances you find yourself in, we are on the same playing field. We all can relate with our human emotions; sadness, fear, joy, anger, etc. To be mindful is to be aware of these emotions, without any judgement. It is the choice to allow the past to be in the past and to know that the future has yet to come. It is fully embracing the present moment. It is knowing you have the choice, in every single moment, to alter your reality. But, you first need to be awake enough to accept the truth of your reality. 

From my personal experience, this all starts with my daily choice to be present with myself and my environment at any given time. It is profound to be in this process of self-discovery, and each day I am learning that I am a capable, compassionate, picky, serious person, yet I want to be constantly open and have humility. I wouldn’t know this otherwise, had I not slowed down enough to find that out. To practice Mindfulness is the most authentic gift you can give to yourself. 

So, you have a choice. 

Do you want to be somewhere in the past; a time that cannot be changed? If so, what is the benefit? What is the con?

Do you want to be in the future; a time that has yet to come, with no guarantee? If so, what is the benefit? What is the con?

Or do you want to be here now? The present moment is the only viable moment of time. The present moment is truly a gift to be valued. The present moment is all you have. Ask yourself, what is the benefit and what is the con of living in the present.

And with that, my last question is…

Now, what are you going to do with those answers?

Tanis-Arlene Taylor
Guest Blogger
New Leaf Meditation Project 

Tanis-Arlene Taylor is pursuing a degree in Natural Science. She has a beautiful Wife and two amazing children. Tanis is daily student of a mindful life. She says, "I haven't always known the light, so I understand your fear, but I am a warrior for my own spirit and my purpose is to spread my light to all of those willing to receive it. We are all needed. We are all worthy. We are all capable. Love is bountiful, infinite, and holds a sacred space for us all. I will assist you to find and BE your own light. Namaste." 

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